I'm half asleep so please excuse me if I read every word in the post wrong lol It's impossible for me to "fit in" since no one likes us asexual lesbians so I learned to accept eternal loneliness It has its perks. For example you know those times where you just wish everyone would leave you alone? Well I never feel that way anymore... yay? lol such a loser As depressing as it sounds I developed a taste for self depreciating humor to add to my dry sense of humor
you should probably delete this comment later i think i said too much
You're right though, you're self depreciating yourself but you don't really mean it and say it just to joke around. I do it too If people actually belittle themselves because they actually believe it, it upsets me because everyone has so much great potential in them.
I forgot to not allow comments on this post but w0tever xD
This blog is honestly just like a diary that I won't misplace. If I have something to rant, I'll just put it here I don't expect anyone to get it, and I'm sure someone that still reads this shitty blog would misinterpret some posts fully lol (not you, of course) If I sound stupid and obviously I do, I want people to understand why it doesn't make sense since it doesn't really apply to them or whatever and mainly why this blog is called Literal Trash
I still read it even though I shouldn't because I don't know what any of it means lol Kinda like how I used to watch a russian youtuber just for the fun of it. I had no idea what he was saying but that made his videos more enjoyable somehow
hey i am still kurukurutako (lol forgot i ever had that name) are you still alive? go to my profile and go to the blog i have up and comment pls : ( i want to talk to you
hmm... its me again, i just woke up from a nap since i'm trying to avoid my studies and oddly enough i had a dream about this blog. not sure of the details but i had a dream that you replied to that above reply. before i post this comment, there's supposed to be 9 existing comments. in my dream, it turned to 10 comments and that 10th comment was not this useless brick of writing - it was your reply. even though it seems like nothing special, it felt special? honestly, i'm actually shaken up right now lol i literally jolted out of bed and checked this ugly blog right away. idk why i was so... overwhelmed? i mean it was a dream, i didn't actually expect anything to be here tbh i obviously last checked this blog on january maybe even months after that too but then i actually forgot about it until today so,, hey may.
i wish i had a lot to say, actually, i want to say a lot but i don't know i guess it doesn't seem relevant anymore
oh my goodness... you actually replied... you actually saw this... and i got to see your reply not even long after holy shit because i haven't thought about this blog in such a long time and for some reason i felt the need to check up on this blog today
tbh i was listening to old songs that made me feel incredibly nostalgic and this song called love lost by the temper trap reminded me of your old username, LoveLost i'm assuming that's why i randomly thought to check this blog
I only found this place again a few weeks ago after like 3 years sorry !!
Actually nevermind lol apparently I commented with 50 different names and icons because I change those every day
I'm "fine" for once I guess, mostly just bored and lonely and in another mood where I try to find all my old friends (found some VINTAGE commente from my deleted blog that I made before AJF which brought back memories) and am debating on whether or not I should try to contact one of them
I finally got to a point where I actually like my own drawings so that's a nice self esteem booster lol
i'm so disappointed, i typed a huge chunk of text on my phone and when i came to post it, the entire thing disappeared
starting again: its definitely okay!! i want this place to be forgotten, i want to delete this post and just leave that one post dedicated to you guys which was what was initially intended until i got too angsty lol. but these comments are valuable to me
i feel you. sometimes i think about greenfun and i wonder if theres a way to contact her. but i don't know whether i could even get a word out to her after what? six? seven years? you guys are all probably in your twenties now and i'm only just reaching 18
i think its a good idea for you to try and contact your old friends!! go for it
i'm glad to hear this, you can use it to draw (no pun intended) yourself away from reality (wowow cliche). i do that, only i don't draw much or do much anymore. just sleep too much, or too little idk my sleep schedules a mess
probably some things i forgot to include since my first comment fucked off into cyberworld and lost data lol but maybe i'll comment them if i remember
I've tried contacting GreenFun (and funbor) many times in different ways but nothing has worked. Green's main blog got deleted and remade by a spambot but I have found funbor's blog (and maybe another greenfun blog?) but they still haven't responded. I also found multiple greenfun/funbor youtube channels which have been inactive since 2012 I think
And about contacting my old friend, that's the thing... Would she even want to talk to me again after 9 or 10 years? I don't think we ended on a high note (mostly because I was stupid) and would she even remember me? Would she WANT to remember me? There's also the chance that the person I contact isn't actually her (the only thing I could find was a youtube channel that was active one year ago that she linked to in some post in 2013 but it doesn't look like it'd be hers) so if it wasn't actually her that would be super awkward and creepy
I actually do use drawing as a kind of escape since I'm working on a few series and trying to make character designs and story elements. It helps me keep my mind off of life sometimes which is always a good thing
I miss your vintage posts like obamaniesha and the one where you got an adventure prize that didn't load and you edited the unloaded item box onto your animal's outfit
I reference that a lot in ajf finale notes but don't have that picture saved and it gone : (
yes, back in 2015 i also visited her blog and it startled me, how did become like that? ahh yes jammercookies and chouamy(?) right? i believe i'm still subscribed to those channels lol
i mean, awkward tension can happen when you haven't seen or spoken to someone in a long time... maybe it will be okay, we can't hold grudges for almost a decade right? i'm sure if it is her, that she would remember you particularly if you were really close. i remember my friends even though i haven't thought of them in a while... kinda. do you remember the invisible koala? i don't remember her username but i remember being close... anyway, i can understand the uncertainty of it not actually being her but maybe say something personal that only the two of you know? if she reacts well, then that should be a clear sign, right?
that's really good, i'm glad to hear that. keeping busy away from negativity is always a good thing. at least its in the back of your mind for the time being, or at least for me its like that. and that sounds really interesting! i bet its coming together brilliant :)
ahhh how did you remember that crocodile's name? i couldn't remember it until i looked through my posts last night. what kind of name is obamaneisha??? ahahaha yes, that post, i remember that too. i should repost that for you. all my posts are actual crack and really cringy. but i enjoyed reading through all of the comments
Spambots looks for blogs that don't exist anymore but are still linked to on other sites and steal the urls : \ I'm pretty sure if you look up jammertimes on wayback it only shows the spambot version which is sad. And yeah I think I'm subscribed to them too
I do want to contact her but I don't think I'm ready yet. I think I'm more concerned with the possibility of it not actually being her channel than her not liking me lol
And DANG I didn't think anyone else remembered "the jamaa ghost"! I always wanted to know how she did it. She claimed she didn't know but idk how true that was (think emoji)
I wish I could say it's coming together but it's really just a huge mess of unorganized thoughts. But I think about it constantly, to the point where sometimes I lose sleep because I get so lost in thought with story ideas. I kinda love it and hate it at the sane time lol
Obamaneisha was a LEGEND ! Those eyes lol
And WOW I thought all the old posts were gone for good like on your original blog! I had no idea they were still there, thanks for putting them back up, they brought back some memories and I still found them funny after all these years
The summoning circle one caught me off guard because I had no idea/memory of anyone knowing about the shark mark charlie sheen thing lol
oh, what the heck? that's a little fascinating though because is there a purpose?
i see. maybe just leave a simple hello and see if she replies? or you can always put it off for another time hahaha
yes! me too, i think it was a glitch because remember when she finally went back to normal? i know it took a long while but after that i guess she lost the charm and didn't log on as much afterwards... i think? i don't know though... do you remember magical shyrabbit? i miss her as well! i don't know where she's at, i'd love to contact her though. we added each other on a social media platform for like a week until grumpy angsty 10-11 year old yowazup/randommaniac (gah so much account changes) got mad for something small and well, you know
as much as its not that good to lose sleep, that sounds wonderful. jotting down unorganised thoughts always helps transfer a messy mind to paper, i think.
hahaha i can't comprehend how obamaneisha came to be, i'm so confused. and yes, i drafted all these posts because i know the regret of not being able to see all of our 2011-201...3ish (?) comments on my blogS because i was deathly afraid of my immaturity on those posts lol
i looked at that circle and if i could, i would redraw the it because its badly drawn that one of the animals is inside the actual circle
I believe it's just to get some sort of ad revenue off of previously popular sites?
Yes, I also remember magical shyrabbit! I never found out why but overtime she started distancing herself from everyone, even going as far as telling me that she changed her username and cryptically told me she "can't tell me what it is" or something. And she deleted all of her old blogs and profiles on everything. I did find one of her blogs recently that was still up but I don't remember what it was
I write down as many of my ideas as I can but some of the more in-depth ones are pretty hard to find a way to write them down or even talk about, which is really annoying because it prevents me from making a proper story event timeline. Then I end up forgetting most of the thoughts
I also didn't know that this was the same blog as the original everydayjamaa (or if I did, I forgot) so I thought the original blog was dead completely since someone already took that url
The poorly drawn circle is part of the charm! And I just realized that 2 of those animals are me, somehow... I guess the summoning worked after all lol
ah i see, that's still weird... kinda like stealing her away idk how to explain it lol
i think she mentioned that to me as well... i had her on chicken smoothie afterwards - or maybe during ? she changed her username to something boboiboy related, this cartoon she liked. then she went by the name thunder or something related to that (on chicken smoothie)
i think i can relate a little, its honestly so frustrating because the way it is in your mind is already "perfect" but its hard to recreate it on paper, right? i end up just jotting down little points and details so that maybe i'll be able to recreate it later. forgetting thoughts also sucks too
yeah this used to be everydayjamaa... what was the original title of this blog again? i don't remember lol and i saw that too, from what i recall, my original url was taken and dedicated it to me (?) and said that my old posts will be reposted there but how, if no one has access to it?
ahh they were both you? wow, i was wondering who the other animal belonged to
yes i saw!! i smiled, really intensely lol i really missed you guys
btw, my site says "not secured" and comes out with a red triangle with an exclamation mark in it (it says it in indonesian so idk what it should actually say in english... i was messing around when i got my laptop and accidently downloaded google chrome in indonesian and never bothered to change it,,, learning/improving in the language i guess lol ...why was this relevant to say?) how can i fix that? because i don't want this blog to kdsjafsgnedkojfwighnfdjefirhwn because all the memories will be lost and i can't afford that ahhhh
I'm guessing she had overprotective parents or something and wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore? I remember her saying once that she isn't allowed to have another account which doesn't really prove anything but who knows. I wonder if she even remembers us. I used to have a really close friend group of me, Octopus737, tech66, trickertreee, and Spino11 back in 2011/2012
In 2017 I found tech's club penguin blog and tried to contact him (he was still fairly active) and he just ignore me : \ And octy said she talked to trickertreee at some point and trickertreee had no idea who she was : \ I guess everyone values friendships differently and it's really sad. Octy and I thought we were all really close but evidently trickertreee and tech didn't
I also recently came across comment records from 2010 from my hatena days and this guy named ghost commented a lot. Based on the comments we were close friends but I honestly have 0 memory of him and I feel really bad about that. I don't know why i'm talking about any of this lol sorry
Yeah there are so many details that I think are really cool story elements that don't even know how to write down in any way. I have a horrible memory with most thing so most of those details will probably be forever lost
I have no idea what the original title was either, although I feel like I do. Like the memory is there but I can't think of it right now. And yeah it was claimed by someone who was a huge stalker and lied to me about a lot of things and honestly creeped me out. She even found some of my blogs that I never mentioned anywhere or linked to such as my club penguin blog... strange
I think both those animals were me since I made both those outfits. Either I was using both Meloetta and WitchHat or someone was cosplaying as me
deep down i hope she does remember us. or at least a recollection of her aj days. i remember all of you guys! listing those names, reminded me of bigcats! do you know where he is? i feel like i'm just bringing up one person each time i reply to you lol but then again, i think he was online one time during 2015 and i don't think he remembered me, so i gave up trying lol
i remember tech66, he loved those geronimo stilton books and we bonded over that, but i doubt he remembers which kinda sucks a little. not related but i used to have a really close friend on transformice but i don't remember my password to that and that's the only way of trying to contact her lol she probably doesn't remember me either.
woah he really ignored you? maybe he didn't see it... maybe i'm just trying to seem positive, idk. that is quite sad, like its either repressed in his mind or it completely vanished
no, its okay. you can say anything, i don't mind - and yeah i see what you mean, but don't feel bad i guess it happens.
its weird, right? the mind works in weird ways lol
i'll try remember but i honestly have no clue what it could be. i just remember this blog's bg was the winter version of the aj homepage... i can't word this properly
woah what the hell thats really concerning?? i'm actually a little unsettled now, how could she be able to do that?
ah that makes more sense (about the animals)
and that's okay! it's just weird to see that red sign
Bigcats is still around somewhere. Occasionally (like every 5 or 6 months) he'll leave me a comment but then never respond after the first message. On youtube he is kind of active but only posts monthly "best kpop songs of june 2019" videos. I should try messaging him sometime, he's one of the few people where I actually don't feel like he hates me lol
I kind of doubt he didn't see it because he published a comment from someone else not long after I posted my comment (he has comment moderation on)
Octy also tried contacting him and he ignored that too. It's certainly possible that both of our comments were automatically flagged as spam so he didn't see them but I kind of doubt that considering he ignored both of our comments. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he didn't like me since I was a really terrible person when I was LoveLost but Octy never did anything wrong. Maybe he's just trying to forget AJ but I don't think that should include the friends he made along the way
Also I think I might have remembered the title! Wasn't it "The Truth of Jamaa"? Or was that something else? Idk we could probably check stalker's version of your blog, I'm sure it has the title lol
And yeah it is really... strange. It's possible that I did mention that blog somewhere but I just reread almost my entire blog for ajf finale and didn't see it anywhere so I have no idea how she found it. The only other thing I can think of is she used wayback machine on my profile and it was possibly listed there? If that's the case though, it's still a bit creepy. She also used to call me May despite no one from the "modern" era calling me that, only close friends or older fans/friends, and also called me Azalea a few times because I signed like ONE random post with ~Azalea (plz no ~blossom~ joke) And then there was the sierra incident which I don't remember much about other than that it happened. I think some girl named sierra would always give me, spirit, and lovie threats (but mostly me) which gave me a lot of stress, and then I did some MASTER detective work and found out that on all of my contest forms, sierra's name appeared immediately after lovie every time. She told me she entered all of her friends because they couldn't for whatever reason, so basically that confirmed that she was friends with sierra and was lying to me and putting me under real stress that I didn't need (around that time I was dealing with breakup I think) and either made spirit lie to me too or was also lying to spirit. And I have no idea why, I supposedly meant a lot to her : /
I feel bad talking about her like this though. Maybe she's changed since then. I know I have. I only recently learned how to forgive myself for things I did years ago. We all do stupid or bad stuff when we're younger and shouldn't hold things against people forever if they've changed. Although there is one person who I don't think I could ever forgive but I don't think they've changed for the better anyway
ah i see, that means its easy to get in touch with him... but i don't think i'd want to try because he wouldn't remember me anyway lol and i think i'm still subscribed to his channel so i kind of remember those videos he used to post. i rarely check my subscription list so never see them as of now
for tech, that's disappointing. you're right about the fact that he shouldn't forget his friends along with aj
ahhh why didn't i think of that LOL i just checked and god, that site just got a whole lot creepier after what you told me. and i can't get that url back anymore either and i don't want to contact her asking why she did that :/ also the site does have my original title, it was every other day in jamaa
that is actually weird. i don't think i've heard of sierra yet but that sounds serious and putting someone in such a situation is ridiculous and i get you, everyone changes for the better or for worse, i guess it is a part of growing up. cliche, but something i don't want to do
sorry this took longer than my other replies, i was busy yesterday night and today as well D:
Honestly I kind of doubt he forgot about you, we were all pretty close back then. Although he would probably remember you as ~EternalClaw~ rather than b or bbbbbunnnnniiiiii so his memories might be a little more vague. But I still think he'd remember you
I'm right there with you with not wanting to grow up. I'm somewhere between 18-21 (tbh i forgot lol) but as far as I'm concerned, I'm still basically 12
And it's okay !! I'm just happy you are talking to me at all, I'm lonely and missed you : (
Also I think if you go to settings and switch to https it should fix the secured thing
i agree with you, i still feel a little immature sometimes and definitely don't act my age. i still get cut when i see people who are younger or the same age as me and theyre either much more mature in personality or they just look older. i still look like i'm 15-ish. make up helps a bit i guess and platform/heeled boots bc i'm short-average height. my mum ordered drinks and they have me a glass for it too, i was shocked LOL in my last year of school, we would have excursions to univeristies to attend lectures and such, some uni student thought we were in year 9/9th grade lol that was so degrading
it's okay! i'm happy that i get to speak to you again because i missed you as well
omg it worked, thank you so sos osososjsosjdisjfoiwef so much, i appreciate it a ton, gave me a sense of security lol
At least I'm pretty sure, like 90% A lot of the old screenshots have both of you in it and so do the comment sections, so at the very least I'm sure your name will ring a bell. And if it means anything, I have the memory of a bag of dead rocks and I remembered you
Oh man, I don't want to go into too much detail but I recently had a borderline mental breakdown when I talked to an old friend who is much younger than me and told me how he's super happy and successful now. I'm happy for him but it crushed me because I'm so... useless : \
I still stand by the opinion that if something makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone, then there isn't anything wrong with it. I'm sure there are some exceptions but I'm not looking to pick apart my philosophies right now lol
Not acting like a normal person my age would keeps me not as depressed so I'm fine with it
i can see where you're coming from, its exhausting. don't let it crush you though, we all have our own paces we work with. i graduated with a mediocre mark on my final exams bc i lost motivation to study properly. a lot of my friends done so much better and went on to do what they wanted, i still don't have a clue about myself. let's just say i could not see the end of that. you know that feeling where you feel like you're just living? and time just goes on? yeah that things are better in a wider scope, i suppose, mainly because i placed it at the back of my mind but its overwhelming when the topic comes up in discussions so i kinda dissociate a lot
you're not useless, i think we feel that way when we haven't done something that makes us... feel proud of ourselves? or feel like we achieved something... idk,,, at least for me i haven't gotten my Ls and all my friends are either on their way to receiving their red Ps or already drive. (idk how driving is like in america so i hope that didn't confuse you) anyway, that's one of the things i feel useless about,,, and idk why i'm telling you this lol i'm sorry
i agree with you on that! but i think nowadays people are too sensitive or desensitised that they bash on others for their interests so its kinda hard to express yourself. too many people are used as scapegoats too, its a shame
thank you again for telling me about it! honestly, why didn't i think of just checking the settings? it was so easy lol
since you mentioned comments, i looked through ajf to find some as well lol i hope thats not weird
...ollie42! she was someone i wasn't close to back in 2011 but after i got in touch with her in 2013 but i don't think she remembered me as yowazup/rm but instead just knew me as eternalclaw but we became close
good god, i sound AWFUL in these 2011/12 comments, i actually sound uneducated oejfnwejngfeorngoiehtio34whtio3w4hioth3weoguoengouengo cringecithnvdecringecringe and wHY DiD I naME MY USERNAMES THIS WAY, WHY
it also reminded me of the fact that i only had an interest in making a blog to bash this person that scammed me when there were no trading systems lol "Now I'm so furious I could bash this computer! but since computer is my friend I won't :) but still **** will pay! >:( stupid no good wolf! no offence to her but she is soooooooo evil" heOLP ME KJEFWKFJWKFFGOEWFGOWETPWJE;4WT4
i suddenly rememeber when you went out of your way to get a green worn for me when i accidently (stupidly) traded it for elf cuffs because i didn't know they were back in stores (then i saw a photo of the horse that traded me wearing the worn on snowyclaw's blog post lol)
like, you actually did that for me and for what... i didn't even deserve that. even though its been years and even though the cliche saying is, "they're just pixels." you took your time to find another worn for me and i'm still grateful and i appreciate it so much, you don't understand it's not even just that either, theres so much things that you've done for me and for your other friends. so i just wanted to thank you again oh my goodness, really may. i appreciate you so much and thank you so much for everything, all these years even though there are massive gaps between these times
Yeah, that feeling of just kinda existing has been with me since... I don't even know anymore. And if we're talking about the same thing here, that's why I didn't want to go into detail. I tend to hide my true feelings from myself and try not to think about them. And when I get reminded that something is actually wrong, I just feel... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like my personality is just a mask, and without it I'd either be dead by now or hyperdepressed
Yeah, people are verg judgemental these days. If you like anything that has a bad fanbase, you're automatically as bad as them. If you like a piece of media that was created by someone bad or by someone that's largely disliked, you're no better than them. It makes no sense and I wish people would lose that bandwagon-y mindset
Aww, I miss ollie I don't think she ever had a blog or anything so I don't know of there's a way to contact her
I have a friend (who randomly disappeared) that really loved to make fun of me for my really early posts, mainly my appondale/elephants post. He tortures me with "Coolness!" in the same way you torture me with "~blossom~" lol
As much as we all hate our past selves for a variety of reasons, it's cool to see how much we all changed over the years! It's kind of like drawing. I like to look at my old drawings compared to my new ones. The new ones are so much better and the old ones are laughable. It's the same way with how we used to act back then to a degree, at least for me
I honestly don't remember that worn thing lol 2012/2013 was the time where I was really edgy and rude to basically everyone, so hopefully I didn't get mad at you or anything. And if I did, I'm sorry : ( That reminds me of something I still have deep regret about. I don't know if you were there when it happened or if you remember them but I had this friend named eye66ytht who I became really close with. Then she (allegedly) died and her sister sent me eye's nm bat wings. I found someone offering a tan top hat for nm wings and traded my dead friend's wings for that hat. Tan top hats were one of the rarest things in the game, but come on... I can't believe I would do that, especially since her death really hit me hard at the time. That's just the start of why I hate my LoveLost phase : \
I always thought the "lol theyre just pixels!!!! why do u care" argument is really stupid. I meant to write about that at some point. Like you said, a lot goes into finding items, such as time, and well-meaning gifts. If they're just pixels, can we say "why do you love your family/friends/pets if they're just dna??" or "why do you like this game it's just coding!!!1!" or "why do you like literally anything it's all just a bunch of atoms"
But anyway, same goes for you! You've always been a good friend even after all these years. These days it means a lot to me when anyone just sends me one message back, so you can imagine how much it means to me when someone still actually wants to talk to me after like 8 years
If you weren't aware I've been working on AJF Finale which is like a proper end to my blog, where I'm going to go through the entire blog and look back at literally everything, including comments and all my old untold stories of AJ, so hopefully that brings back some nice memories of the old days! Although I'm really not looking forward to writing the posts that cover the LoveLost era : \ We all hate who we used to be because lolcringe and all that, but it's different with LoveLost. I was legitimately a horrible person back then. A nice example of what I mean is the bat wing thing I just mentioned, but there are worse stuff. I have a lot of deep regret about everything and it took me until, like, last year to learn how to forgove myself. That's not who I am anymore and I'm afraid that people are going to associate me with that stuff after I write about it. I can't just skip over it either because then I'd basically be skipping an entire year
feeling such heavy stress and disappointment is tiring, i agree. coping mechanisms are a way to push through all that damage, it is helpful in some ways
yeah, i used to feel that way through shame and embarrassment and i'd hide the fact i liked something and listened as people around me bashed on it, sometimes i'd go far as to insult my own interests as well or deny anything, unfortunately, so i'm guilty. now i keep a lot of things to myself unless i am willing to share it
same, i think you're right about her not having a blog... i have her youtube channel but i don't know if it's active or not i just found her comments under my shitty ajmv video that she was in lol
hahaha i hope that its okay that we tease you ~blossom~
i suppose you're right! growing up is weird, process of improvement is also weird but its also lovely too, i'm not sure how to explain it. i'm glad you're happy with your drawings, i'm sure they're wonderful!
ahh it's okay that you don't remember! but it was such a euphoric moment, like your trade came up on screen and i believe i cried lol. and i don't think you were mean to me or anything like that, even if you were to others... do you think the idea comes from your own judgement of yourself or from other people? maybe i shouldn't ask that but believe me, i don't think you were or are a bad person at all, i'm sure a lot of your friends can agree
i knew about eye, that was a lot to take in. i see where you're coming from... i think its a sensitive topic so i can see why you felt that way and i'm really sorry. its something hard to navigate around but you shouldn't have been hard on yourself because of it
thank goodness you feel that way, i was afraid incase you'd find it odd that i'm grateful for, again the cliche saying, "pixels" i really cherish that, back then it was almost one of the most important things to me but a lot of people would throw it back in your face and call you ridiculous for thinking that... i don't know. aj is a place where you had to tiptoe around everyone or argue with people, like it was all a competition between everyone idk and LOL "why do you like anything its just a bunch of atoms" i laughed so loud, why is this so relateable
of course, i love speaking to you! always
wow ending with always sounds a little... abrupt lol
anyway, yeah i saw that too! i figured as well, it sounds really sweet... bittersweet too, i suppose? but i'll be looking forward to it :) i see, maybe its a way to accept it and let it go out of your conscience? i'm glad you were able to reach that stage, hopefully it just improves more and more and i don't think anyone will associate you like that, i'm sure they'll appreciate the effort you put into everything. and if they don't then clearly they're missing a lot of context
anyway, i think i typed enough... i'll cry if this gets erased lol
Yeah, sometimes you have to be careful with who you tell what, unfortunately. I love being passionate and nerdy about some things, and I love it even more if I can find someone who is equally as passionate and nerdy about the same things, but it's hard to do that when it's embarrassing to say anything you like
I didn't know she had a youtube channel! I think it's worth a try to contact her
And yes, it's definitely okay lol It's a weird thing to say but honestly one of my favorite things in friendships is getting to the point where you're close enough to be able to make fun of each other in good spirit, if that makes sense. At least in my experience it's pretty rare but I love it. People need to learn how to laugh at themselves sometimes. Also I told myself I would sign my last ajf finale post with ~blossom~ in your honor
I'm sure plenty of people will accept/forgive me, but I'm afraid of the drama loving youtubers. Let's be real here, no one reads my blog anymore because it's DEAD, but all the famous ones used to (and actually used my posts as scripts for their videos with no permission or credit... one of them did credit me, but only briefly in the description and they credited LOVELOST which was an extra oof) and I'm afraid one of them will see it, take it all out of context, and make a clickbait video like "😱😱😱 LOVELOST EXPOSED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!😱😱😱" They don't care about what happens, it's just easy ad revenue to them, and their viewers likely won't put in the effort for research/context and who knows what could happen then : \
I do remember you having a green worn (I think it was in your profile pic that you took with an actual camera of your screen lol) but I didn't remember that I gave it to you
Items are different for everyone. For some people are goals or accomplishments that they spent actual time on, sometimes since the beginning when they joined. For others they are nothing more than trade bait. Some were cherished items that were given as heartfelt gifts, and some people will just sell that person's gift if it comes back to stores I wish people would just accept that items, and even other things in real life, have different values to different people
And if we want to get literal, items still aren't just pixels! They are ALSO lines of code! So there
I meant to put this in the last comment but here's my art progress! This was my original drawing/design for Ayala from either 2015 or 2016 https://i.imgur.com/MlXI7Nu.jpg
And here's Ayala from this year https://i.imgur.com/Ts15SM1.jpg
I certainly wouldn't consider myself a good artist but I can't deny how much progress I've made since then
that's true about the whole keeping things to yourself because it might be embarrassing sometimes we have those opportunities to share and fangirl and everything with another person, i think thats good
yeah! but i wouldn't know what to say... i don't know
haha yes, it makes a lot of sense and you're definitely right about that, i'm glad we get to have special people in our lives to be able to share such moments with tbh, i don't know what i'd do without those moments, life would be so bland lol hahahaha that made me smile, thank you ~blossom~
ahh yes i see where you're coming from, when people make shit up for no particular reason really sucks. hopefully they won't do that, and even if they do i'm sure a lot of people can back you up. like, these aj youtubers, its not their business in the first place (unless they're involved? but idk) and they have absolutely nothing to do with you, right? apart from using your blog posts with little to no credit? but i definitely agree with the ad revenue, its just $$$ to them
oh yuck those days where i took photos of my computer screen instead of screenshots lol but i'm not sure of that particular photo, its probably lost 4ever now lol
yes i agree 100% with you, anything you own should have value, even just a little bit. its kinda the same as photos that you took on your phone or whatever. we can develop the same attachment (?) as aj items i know this because my phone messed up last night and i had to delete everything from my gallery and lets just say that was a nightmare
LOL yes, lines of code
omg i see!! there is definitely a massive progress and she looks super nice, i love it!
I'm half asleep so please excuse me if I read every word in the post wrong lol
ReplyDeleteIt's impossible for me to "fit in" since no one likes us asexual lesbians so I learned to accept eternal loneliness
It has its perks. For example you know those times where you just wish everyone would leave you alone? Well I never feel that way anymore... yay? lol such a loser
As depressing as it sounds I developed a taste for self depreciating humor to add to my dry sense of humor
you should probably delete this comment later i think i said too much
You're right though, you're self depreciating yourself but you don't really mean it and say it just to joke around. I do it too
DeleteIf people actually belittle themselves because they actually believe it, it upsets me because everyone has so much great potential in them.
I forgot to not allow comments on this post but w0tever xD
I was wondering why comments weren't disabled on this post
DeleteThis blog is honestly just like a diary that I won't misplace. If I have something to rant, I'll just put it here
DeleteI don't expect anyone to get it, and I'm sure someone that still reads this shitty blog would misinterpret some posts fully lol (not you, of course)
If I sound stupid and obviously I do, I want people to understand why it doesn't make sense since it doesn't really apply to them or whatever and mainly why this blog is called Literal Trash
I still read it even though I shouldn't because I don't know what any of it means lol
DeleteKinda like how I used to watch a russian youtuber just for the fun of it. I had no idea what he was saying but that made his videos more enjoyable somehow
b are you died
ReplyDeletehey i am still kurukurutako (lol forgot i ever had that name) are you still alive? go to my profile and go to the blog i have up and comment pls : ( i want to
ReplyDeletetalk to you
still hoping : (
Deletei'm here may
Deleteits a new year, decided to go down memory lane again
i miss u
hmm... its me again,
Deletei just woke up from a nap since i'm trying to avoid my studies and oddly enough i had a dream about this blog.
not sure of the details but i had a dream that you replied to that above reply.
before i post this comment, there's supposed to be 9 existing comments. in my dream, it turned to 10 comments and that 10th comment was not this useless brick of writing - it was your reply. even though it seems like nothing special, it felt special?
honestly, i'm actually shaken up right now lol
i literally jolted out of bed and checked this ugly blog right away. idk why i was so... overwhelmed?
i mean it was a dream, i didn't actually expect anything to be here tbh
i obviously last checked this blog on january maybe even months after that too but then i actually forgot about it until today so,, hey may.
i wish i had a lot to say, actually, i want to say a lot but i don't know i guess it doesn't seem relevant anymore
Well, I can still he the 11th reply! Will never forget the legendary 🅱️
Delete~blossom~
I meant be, not he
Deleteoh my goodness... you actually replied... you actually saw this... and i got to see your reply not even long after
Deleteholy shit because i haven't thought about this blog in such a long time and for some reason i felt the need to check up on this blog today
how are you?
tbh i was listening to old songs that made me feel incredibly nostalgic and this song called love lost by the temper trap reminded me of your old username, LoveLost
ReplyDeletei'm assuming that's why i randomly thought to check this blog
yuck this post,,, kill me
Deletei was so angsty :/ found out i am an aries rising!!11!1!!
hmm, was gonna say something... but i forgot.
who am i even talking too?
can't english. to*
Deleteokay bye i am clearly bored since i'm replying to myself
I only found this place again a few weeks ago after like 3 years sorry !!
DeleteActually nevermind lol apparently I commented with 50 different names and icons because I change those every day
I'm "fine" for once I guess, mostly just bored and lonely and in another mood where I try to find all my old friends (found some VINTAGE commente from my deleted blog that I made before AJF which brought back memories) and am debating on whether or not I should try to contact one of them
I finally got to a point where I actually like my own drawings so that's a nice self esteem booster lol
How are you doing?
i'm so disappointed, i typed a huge chunk of text on my phone and when i came to post it, the entire thing disappeared
Deletestarting again:
its definitely okay!! i want this place to be forgotten, i want to delete this post and just leave that one post dedicated to you guys which was what was initially intended until i got too angsty lol. but these comments are valuable to me
i feel you. sometimes i think about greenfun and i wonder if theres a way to contact her. but i don't know whether i could even get a word out to her after what? six? seven years? you guys are all probably in your twenties now and i'm only just reaching 18
i think its a good idea for you to try and contact your old friends!! go for it
i'm glad to hear this, you can use it to draw (no pun intended) yourself away from reality (wowow cliche). i do that, only i don't draw much or do much anymore. just sleep too much, or too little idk my sleep schedules a mess
probably some things i forgot to include since my first comment fucked off into cyberworld and lost data lol but maybe i'll comment them if i remember
DeleteI've tried contacting GreenFun (and funbor) many times in different ways but nothing has worked. Green's main blog got deleted and remade by a spambot but I have found funbor's blog (and maybe another greenfun blog?) but they still haven't responded. I also found multiple greenfun/funbor youtube channels which have been inactive since 2012 I think
And about contacting my old friend, that's the thing... Would she even want to talk to me again after 9 or 10 years? I don't think we ended on a high note (mostly because I was stupid) and would she even remember me? Would she WANT to remember me? There's also the chance that the person I contact isn't actually her (the only thing I could find was a youtube channel that was active one year ago that she linked to in some post in 2013 but it doesn't look like it'd be hers) so if it wasn't actually her that would be super awkward and creepy
I actually do use drawing as a kind of escape since I'm working on a few series and trying to make character designs and story elements. It helps me keep my mind off of life sometimes which is always a good thing
I miss your vintage posts like obamaniesha and the one where you got an adventure prize that didn't load and you edited the unloaded item box onto your animal's outfit
DeleteI reference that a lot in ajf finale notes but don't have that picture saved and it gone : (
yes, back in 2015 i also visited her blog and it startled me, how did become like that?
ReplyDeleteahh yes jammercookies and chouamy(?) right? i believe i'm still subscribed to those channels lol
i mean, awkward tension can happen when you haven't seen or spoken to someone in a long time... maybe it will be okay, we can't hold grudges for almost a decade right? i'm sure if it is her, that she would remember you particularly if you were really close. i remember my friends even though i haven't thought of them in a while... kinda. do you remember the invisible koala? i don't remember her username but i remember being close... anyway, i can understand the uncertainty of it not actually being her but maybe say something personal that only the two of you know? if she reacts well, then that should be a clear sign, right?
that's really good, i'm glad to hear that. keeping busy away from negativity is always a good thing. at least its in the back of your mind for the time being, or at least for me its like that. and that sounds really interesting! i bet its coming together brilliant :)
ahhh how did you remember that crocodile's name? i couldn't remember it until i looked through my posts last night. what kind of name is obamaneisha???
ahahaha yes, that post, i remember that too. i should repost that for you. all my posts are actual crack and really cringy. but i enjoyed reading through all of the comments
Spambots looks for blogs that don't exist anymore but are still linked to on other sites and steal the urls : \ I'm pretty sure if you look up jammertimes on wayback it only shows the spambot version which is sad. And yeah I think I'm subscribed to them too
DeleteI do want to contact her but I don't think I'm ready yet. I think I'm more concerned with the possibility of it not actually being her channel than her not liking me lol
And DANG I didn't think anyone else remembered "the jamaa ghost"! I always wanted to know how she did it. She claimed she didn't know but idk how true that was (think emoji)
I wish I could say it's coming together but it's really just a huge mess of unorganized thoughts. But I think about it constantly, to the point where sometimes I lose sleep because I get so lost in thought with story ideas. I kinda love it and hate it at the sane time lol
Obamaneisha was a LEGEND ! Those eyes lol
And WOW I thought all the old posts were gone for good like on your original blog! I had no idea they were still there, thanks for putting them back up, they brought back some memories and I still found them funny after all these years
The summoning circle one caught me off guard because I had no idea/memory of anyone knowing about the shark mark charlie sheen thing lol
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiii
Deleteoh, what the heck? that's a little fascinating though because is there a purpose?
Deletei see. maybe just leave a simple hello and see if she replies? or you can always put it off for another time hahaha
yes! me too, i think it was a glitch because remember when she finally went back to normal? i know it took a long while but after that i guess she lost the charm and didn't log on as much afterwards... i think? i don't know though... do you remember magical shyrabbit? i miss her as well! i don't know where she's at, i'd love to contact her though. we added each other on a social media platform for like a week until grumpy angsty 10-11 year old yowazup/randommaniac (gah so much account changes) got mad for something small and well, you know
as much as its not that good to lose sleep, that sounds wonderful. jotting down unorganised thoughts always helps transfer a messy mind to paper, i think.
hahaha i can't comprehend how obamaneisha came to be, i'm so confused. and yes, i drafted all these posts because i know the regret of not being able to see all of our 2011-201...3ish (?) comments on my blogS because i was deathly afraid of my immaturity on those posts lol
i looked at that circle and if i could, i would redraw the it because its badly drawn that one of the animals is inside the actual circle
I believe it's just to get some sort of ad revenue off of previously popular sites?
DeleteYes, I also remember magical shyrabbit! I never found out why but overtime she started distancing herself from everyone, even going as far as telling me that she changed her username and cryptically told me she "can't tell me what it is" or something. And she deleted all of her old blogs and profiles on everything. I did find one of her blogs recently that was still up but I don't remember what it was
I write down as many of my ideas as I can but some of the more in-depth ones are pretty hard to find a way to write them down or even talk about, which is really annoying because it prevents me from making a proper story event timeline. Then I end up forgetting most of the thoughts
I also didn't know that this was the same blog as the original everydayjamaa (or if I did, I forgot) so I thought the original blog was dead completely since someone already took that url
The poorly drawn circle is part of the charm! And I just realized that 2 of those animals are me, somehow... I guess the summoning worked after all lol
Also CUTEPUPS commented on the last post!
Deleteah i see, that's still weird... kinda like stealing her away idk how to explain it lol
Deletei think she mentioned that to me as well... i had her on chicken smoothie afterwards - or maybe during ? she changed her username to something boboiboy related, this cartoon she liked. then she went by the name thunder or something related to that (on chicken smoothie)
i think i can relate a little, its honestly so frustrating because the way it is in your mind is already "perfect" but its hard to recreate it on paper, right? i end up just jotting down little points and details so that maybe i'll be able to recreate it later. forgetting thoughts also sucks too
yeah this used to be everydayjamaa... what was the original title of this blog again? i don't remember lol
and i saw that too, from what i recall, my original url was taken and dedicated it to me (?) and said that my old posts will be reposted there but how, if no one has access to it?
ahh they were both you? wow, i was wondering who the other animal belonged to
yes i saw!! i smiled, really intensely lol i really missed you guys
btw, my site says "not secured" and comes out with a red triangle with an exclamation mark in it (it says it in indonesian so idk what it should actually say in english... i was messing around when i got my laptop and accidently downloaded google chrome in indonesian and never bothered to change it,,, learning/improving in the language i guess lol ...why was this relevant to say?)
how can i fix that? because i don't want this blog to kdsjafsgnedkojfwighnfdjefirhwn because all the memories will be lost and i can't afford that ahhhh
I'm guessing she had overprotective parents or something and wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore? I remember her saying once that she isn't allowed to have another account which doesn't really prove anything but who knows. I wonder if she even remembers us. I used to have a really close friend group of me, Octopus737, tech66, trickertreee, and Spino11 back in 2011/2012
DeleteIn 2017 I found tech's club penguin blog and tried to contact him (he was still fairly active) and he just ignore me : \ And octy said she talked to trickertreee at some point and trickertreee had no idea who she was : \ I guess everyone values friendships differently and it's really sad. Octy and I thought we were all really close but evidently trickertreee and tech didn't
I also recently came across comment records from 2010 from my hatena days and this guy named ghost commented a lot. Based on the comments we were close friends but I honestly have 0 memory of him and I feel really bad about that. I don't know why i'm talking about any of this lol sorry
Yeah there are so many details that I think are really cool story elements that don't even know how to write down in any way. I have a horrible memory with most thing so most of those details will probably be forever lost
I have no idea what the original title was either, although I feel like I do. Like the memory is there but I can't think of it right now. And yeah it was claimed by someone who was a huge stalker and lied to me about a lot of things and honestly creeped me out. She even found some of my blogs that I never mentioned anywhere or linked to such as my club penguin blog... strange
I think both those animals were me since I made both those outfits. Either I was using both Meloetta and WitchHat or someone was cosplaying as me
And I have no idea how to fix that, sorry : (
deep down i hope she does remember us. or at least a recollection of her aj days. i remember all of you guys! listing those names, reminded me of bigcats! do you know where he is? i feel like i'm just bringing up one person each time i reply to you lol
Deletebut then again, i think he was online one time during 2015 and i don't think he remembered me, so i gave up trying lol
i remember tech66, he loved those geronimo stilton books and we bonded over that, but i doubt he remembers which kinda sucks a little. not related but i used to have a really close friend on transformice but i don't remember my password to that and that's the only way of trying to contact her lol she probably doesn't remember me either.
woah he really ignored you? maybe he didn't see it... maybe i'm just trying to seem positive, idk. that is quite sad, like its either repressed in his mind or it completely vanished
no, its okay. you can say anything, i don't mind - and yeah i see what you mean, but don't feel bad i guess it happens.
its weird, right? the mind works in weird ways lol
i'll try remember but i honestly have no clue what it could be. i just remember this blog's bg was the winter version of the aj homepage... i can't word this properly
woah what the hell thats really concerning?? i'm actually a little unsettled now, how could she be able to do that?
ah that makes more sense (about the animals)
and that's okay! it's just weird to see that red sign
okay i was wondering why i didn't have to verify my comment lol
DeleteBigcats is still around somewhere. Occasionally (like every 5 or 6 months) he'll leave me a comment but then never respond after the first message. On youtube he is kind of active but only posts monthly "best kpop songs of june 2019" videos. I should try messaging him sometime, he's one of the few people where I actually don't feel like he hates me lol
DeleteI kind of doubt he didn't see it because he published a comment from someone else not long after I posted my comment (he has comment moderation on)
Octy also tried contacting him and he ignored that too. It's certainly possible that both of our comments were automatically flagged as spam so he didn't see them but I kind of doubt that considering he ignored both of our comments. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he didn't like me since I was a really terrible person when I was LoveLost but Octy never did anything wrong. Maybe he's just trying to forget AJ but I don't think that should include the friends he made along the way
Also I think I might have remembered the title! Wasn't it "The Truth of Jamaa"? Or was that something else? Idk we could probably check stalker's version of your blog, I'm sure it has the title lol
And yeah it is really... strange. It's possible that I did mention that blog somewhere but I just reread almost my entire blog for ajf finale and didn't see it anywhere so I have no idea how she found it. The only other thing I can think of is she used wayback machine on my profile and it was possibly listed there? If that's the case though, it's still a bit creepy. She also used to call me May despite no one from the "modern" era calling me that, only close friends or older fans/friends, and also called me Azalea a few times because I signed like ONE random post with ~Azalea (plz no ~blossom~ joke)
And then there was the sierra incident which I don't remember much about other than that it happened. I think some girl named sierra would always give me, spirit, and lovie threats (but mostly me) which gave me a lot of stress, and then I did some MASTER detective work and found out that on all of my contest forms, sierra's name appeared immediately after lovie every time. She told me she entered all of her friends because they couldn't for whatever reason, so basically that confirmed that she was friends with sierra and was lying to me and putting me under real stress that I didn't need (around that time I was dealing with breakup I think) and either made spirit lie to me too or was also lying to spirit. And I have no idea why, I supposedly meant a lot to her : /
I think she also sent death threats to one of my other friends and then asked me to defend her. Like, no
DeleteI feel bad talking about her like this though. Maybe she's changed since then. I know I have. I only recently learned how to forgive myself for things I did years ago. We all do stupid or bad stuff when we're younger and shouldn't hold things against people forever if they've changed. Although there is one person who I don't think I could ever forgive but I don't think they've changed for the better anyway
DeleteMan idk what I'm saying anymore, I'm tiree
Deleteah i see, that means its easy to get in touch with him... but i don't think i'd want to try because he wouldn't remember me anyway lol and i think i'm still subscribed to his channel so i kind of remember those videos he used to post. i rarely check my subscription list so never see them as of now
Deletefor tech, that's disappointing. you're right about the fact that he shouldn't forget his friends along with aj
ahhh why didn't i think of that LOL i just checked and god, that site just got a whole lot creepier after what you told me. and i can't get that url back anymore either and i don't want to contact her asking why she did that :/ also the site does have my original title, it was every other day in jamaa
that is actually weird. i don't think i've heard of sierra yet but that sounds serious and putting someone in such a situation is ridiculous and i get you, everyone changes for the better or for worse, i guess it is a part of growing up. cliche, but something i don't want to do
sorry this took longer than my other replies, i was busy yesterday night and today as well D:
Honestly I kind of doubt he forgot about you, we were all pretty close back then. Although he would probably remember you as ~EternalClaw~ rather than b or bbbbbunnnnniiiiii so his memories might be a little more vague. But I still think he'd remember you
DeleteI'm right there with you with not wanting to grow up. I'm somewhere between 18-21 (tbh i forgot lol) but as far as I'm concerned, I'm still basically 12
And it's okay !! I'm just happy you are talking to me at all, I'm lonely and missed you : (
Also I think if you go to settings and switch to https it should fix the secured thing
you really reckon? that gives me hope tbh
Deletei agree with you, i still feel a little immature sometimes and definitely don't act my age. i still get cut when i see people who are younger or the same age as me and theyre either much more mature in personality or they just look older. i still look like i'm 15-ish. make up helps a bit i guess and platform/heeled boots bc i'm short-average height. my mum ordered drinks and they have me a glass for it too, i was shocked LOL
in my last year of school, we would have excursions to univeristies to attend lectures and such, some uni student thought we were in year 9/9th grade lol that was so degrading
it's okay! i'm happy that i get to speak to you again because i missed you as well
omg it worked, thank you so sos osososjsosjdisjfoiwef so much, i appreciate it a ton, gave me a sense of security lol
At least I'm pretty sure, like 90%
DeleteA lot of the old screenshots have both of you in it and so do the comment sections, so at the very least I'm sure your name will ring a bell. And if it means anything, I have the memory of a bag of dead rocks and I remembered you
Oh man, I don't want to go into too much detail but I recently had a borderline mental breakdown when I talked to an old friend who is much younger than me and told me how he's super happy and successful now. I'm happy for him but it crushed me because I'm so... useless : \
I still stand by the opinion that if something makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone, then there isn't anything wrong with it. I'm sure there are some exceptions but I'm not looking to pick apart my philosophies right now lol
Not acting like a normal person my age would keeps me not as depressed so I'm fine with it
And glad it worked !!
thats reassuring :)
Deletei can see where you're coming from, its exhausting. don't let it crush you though, we all have our own paces we work with. i graduated with a mediocre mark on my final exams bc i lost motivation to study properly. a lot of my friends done so much better and went on to do what they wanted, i still don't have a clue about myself. let's just say i could not see the end of that. you know that feeling where you feel like you're just living? and time just goes on? yeah that
things are better in a wider scope, i suppose, mainly because i placed it at the back of my mind but its overwhelming when the topic comes up in discussions so i kinda dissociate a lot
you're not useless, i think we feel that way when we haven't done something that makes us... feel proud of ourselves? or feel like we achieved something... idk,,, at least for me
i haven't gotten my Ls and all my friends are either on their way to receiving their red Ps or already drive. (idk how driving is like in america so i hope that didn't confuse you) anyway, that's one of the things i feel useless about,,, and idk why i'm telling you this lol i'm sorry
i agree with you on that! but i think nowadays people are too sensitive or desensitised that they bash on others for their interests so its kinda hard to express yourself. too many people are used as scapegoats too, its a shame
thank you again for telling me about it! honestly, why didn't i think of just checking the settings? it was so easy lol
since you mentioned comments, i looked through ajf to find some as well lol i hope thats not weird
Delete...ollie42! she was someone i wasn't close to back in 2011 but after i got in touch with her in 2013 but i don't think she remembered me as yowazup/rm but instead just knew me as eternalclaw but we became close
good god, i sound AWFUL in these 2011/12 comments, i actually sound uneducated oejfnwejngfeorngoiehtio34whtio3w4hioth3weoguoengouengo cringecithnvdecringecringe and wHY DiD I naME MY USERNAMES THIS WAY, WHY
it also reminded me of the fact that i only had an interest in making a blog to bash this person that scammed me when there were no trading systems lol
"Now I'm so furious I could bash this computer! but since computer is my friend I won't :) but still **** will pay! >:( stupid no good wolf! no offence to her but she is soooooooo evil" heOLP ME KJEFWKFJWKFFGOEWFGOWETPWJE;4WT4
my left hand is scrunched into my palms as i type this i want die pls why
Deletei suddenly rememeber when you went out of your way to get a green worn for me when i accidently (stupidly) traded it for elf cuffs because i didn't know they were back in stores (then i saw a photo of the horse that traded me wearing the worn on snowyclaw's blog post lol)
Deletelike, you actually did that for me and for what... i didn't even deserve that. even though its been years and even though the cliche saying is, "they're just pixels." you took your time to find another worn for me and i'm still grateful and i appreciate it so much, you don't understand
it's not even just that either, theres so much things that you've done for me and for your other friends. so i just wanted to thank you again oh my goodness, really may. i appreciate you so much and thank you so much for everything, all these years even though there are massive gaps between these times
rememeber
Deleteokay thats a nice way to ruin the sentimental mood
Yeah, that feeling of just kinda existing has been with me since... I don't even know anymore. And if we're talking about the same thing here, that's why I didn't want to go into detail. I tend to hide my true feelings from myself and try not to think about them. And when I get reminded that something is actually wrong, I just feel... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like my personality is just a mask, and without it I'd either be dead by now or hyperdepressed
DeleteYeah, people are verg judgemental these days. If you like anything that has a bad fanbase, you're automatically as bad as them. If you like a piece of media that was created by someone bad or by someone that's largely disliked, you're no better than them. It makes no sense and I wish people would lose that bandwagon-y mindset
Aww, I miss ollie
DeleteI don't think she ever had a blog or anything so I don't know of there's a way to contact her
I have a friend (who randomly disappeared) that really loved to make fun of me for my really early posts, mainly my appondale/elephants post. He tortures me with "Coolness!" in the same way you torture me with "~blossom~" lol
As much as we all hate our past selves for a variety of reasons, it's cool to see how much we all changed over the years! It's kind of like drawing. I like to look at my old drawings compared to my new ones. The new ones are so much better and the old ones are laughable. It's the same way with how we used to act back then to a degree,
at least for me
I honestly don't remember that worn thing lol
2012/2013 was the time where I was really edgy and rude to basically everyone, so hopefully I didn't get mad at you or anything. And if I did, I'm sorry : (
That reminds me of something I still have deep regret about. I don't know if you were there when it happened or if you remember them but I had this friend named eye66ytht who I became really close with. Then she (allegedly) died and her sister sent me eye's nm bat wings. I found someone offering a tan top hat for nm wings and traded my dead friend's wings for that hat. Tan top hats were one of the rarest things in the game, but come on... I can't believe I would do that, especially since her death really hit me hard at the time. That's just the start of why I hate my LoveLost phase : \
I always thought the "lol theyre just pixels!!!! why do u care" argument is really stupid. I meant to write about that at some point. Like you said, a lot goes into finding items, such as time, and well-meaning gifts. If they're just pixels, can we say "why do you love your family/friends/pets if they're just dna??" or "why do you like this game it's just coding!!!1!" or "why do you like literally anything it's all just a bunch of atoms"
But anyway, same goes for you! You've always been a good friend even after all these years. These days it means a lot to me when anyone just sends me one message back, so you can imagine how much it means to me when someone still actually wants to talk to me after like 8 years
If you weren't aware I've been working on AJF Finale which is like a proper end to my blog, where I'm going to go through the entire blog and look back at literally everything, including comments and all my old untold stories of AJ, so hopefully that brings back some nice memories of the old days! Although I'm really not looking forward to writing the posts that cover the LoveLost era : \ We all hate who we used to be because lolcringe and all that, but it's different with LoveLost. I was legitimately a horrible person back then. A nice example of what I mean is the bat wing thing I just mentioned, but there are worse stuff. I have a lot of deep regret about everything and it took me until, like, last year to learn how to forgove myself. That's not who I am anymore and I'm afraid that people are going to associate me with that stuff after I write about it. I can't just skip over it either because then I'd basically be skipping an entire year
DeleteDon't know how I got on that topic sorry
Deletefeeling such heavy stress and disappointment is tiring, i agree. coping mechanisms are a way to push through all that damage, it is helpful in some ways
Deleteyeah, i used to feel that way through shame and embarrassment and i'd hide the fact i liked something and listened as people around me bashed on it, sometimes i'd go far as to insult my own interests as well or deny anything, unfortunately, so i'm guilty. now i keep a lot of things to myself unless i am willing to share it
same, i think you're right about her not having a blog... i have her youtube channel but i don't know if it's active or not
i just found her comments under my shitty ajmv video that she was in lol
hahaha i hope that its okay that we tease you ~blossom~
i suppose you're right! growing up is weird, process of improvement is also weird but its also lovely too, i'm not sure how to explain it. i'm glad you're happy with your drawings, i'm sure they're wonderful!
ahh it's okay that you don't remember! but it was such a euphoric moment, like your trade came up on screen and i believe i cried lol. and i don't think you were mean to me or anything like that, even if you were to others... do you think the idea comes from your own judgement of yourself or from other people? maybe i shouldn't ask that but believe me, i don't think you were or are a bad person at all, i'm sure a lot of your friends can agree
i knew about eye, that was a lot to take in. i see where you're coming from... i think its a sensitive topic so i can see why you felt that way and i'm really sorry. its something hard to navigate around but you shouldn't have been hard on yourself because of it
thank goodness you feel that way, i was afraid incase you'd find it odd that i'm grateful for, again the cliche saying, "pixels"
i really cherish that, back then it was almost one of the most important things to me but a lot of people would throw it back in your face and call you ridiculous for thinking that... i don't know. aj is a place where you had to tiptoe around everyone or argue with people, like it was all a competition between everyone idk and LOL "why do you like anything its just a bunch of atoms" i laughed so loud, why is this so relateable
of course, i love speaking to you! always
wow ending with always sounds a little... abrupt lol
anyway, yeah i saw that too! i figured as well, it sounds really sweet... bittersweet too, i suppose? but i'll be looking forward to it :)
i see, maybe its a way to accept it and let it go out of your conscience? i'm glad you were able to reach that stage, hopefully it just improves more and more and i don't think anyone will associate you like that, i'm sure they'll appreciate the effort you put into everything. and if they don't then clearly they're missing a lot of context
anyway, i think i typed enough... i'll cry if this gets erased lol
Yeah, sometimes you have to be careful with who you tell what, unfortunately. I love being passionate and nerdy about some things, and I love it even more if I can find someone who is equally as passionate and nerdy about the same things, but it's hard to do that when it's embarrassing to say anything you like
DeleteI didn't know she had a youtube channel! I think it's worth a try to contact her
And yes, it's definitely okay lol
It's a weird thing to say but honestly one of my favorite things in friendships is getting to the point where you're close enough to be able to make fun of each other in good spirit, if that makes sense. At least in my experience it's pretty rare but I love it. People need to learn how to laugh at themselves sometimes. Also I told myself I would sign my last ajf finale post with ~blossom~ in your honor
I'm sure plenty of people will accept/forgive me, but I'm afraid of the drama loving youtubers. Let's be real here, no one reads my blog anymore because it's DEAD, but all the famous ones used to (and actually used my posts as scripts for their videos with no permission or credit... one of them did credit me, but only briefly in the description and they credited LOVELOST which was an extra oof) and I'm afraid one of them will see it, take it all out of context, and make a clickbait video like "😱😱😱 LOVELOST EXPOSED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!😱😱😱"
They don't care about what happens, it's just easy ad revenue to them, and their viewers likely won't put in the effort for research/context and who knows what could happen then : \
I do remember you having a green worn (I think it was in your profile pic that you took with an actual camera of your screen lol) but I didn't remember that I gave it to you
Items are different for everyone. For some people are goals or accomplishments that they spent actual time on, sometimes since the beginning when they joined. For others they are nothing more than trade bait. Some were cherished items that were given as heartfelt gifts, and some people will just sell that person's gift if it comes back to stores
I wish people would just accept that items, and even other things in real life, have different values to different people
And if we want to get literal, items still aren't just pixels! They are ALSO lines of code! So there
I meant to put this in the last comment but here's my art progress! This was my original drawing/design for Ayala from either 2015 or 2016
Deletehttps://i.imgur.com/MlXI7Nu.jpg
And here's Ayala from this year
https://i.imgur.com/Ts15SM1.jpg
I certainly wouldn't consider myself a good artist but I can't deny how much progress I've made since then
that's true about the whole keeping things to yourself because it might be embarrassing
Deletesometimes we have those opportunities to share and fangirl and everything with another person, i think thats good
yeah! but i wouldn't know what to say... i don't know
haha yes, it makes a lot of sense and you're definitely right about that, i'm glad we get to have special people in our lives to be able to share such moments with tbh, i don't know what i'd do without those moments, life would be so bland lol
hahahaha that made me smile, thank you ~blossom~
ahh yes i see where you're coming from, when people make shit up for no particular reason really sucks. hopefully they won't do that, and even if they do i'm sure a lot of people can back you up. like, these aj youtubers, its not their business in the first place (unless they're involved? but idk) and they have absolutely nothing to do with you, right? apart from using your blog posts with little to no credit? but i definitely agree with the ad revenue, its just $$$ to them
oh yuck those days where i took photos of my computer screen instead of screenshots lol but i'm not sure of that particular photo, its probably lost 4ever now lol
yes i agree 100% with you, anything you own should have value, even just a little bit. its kinda the same as photos that you took on your phone or whatever. we can develop the same attachment (?) as aj items
i know this because my phone messed up last night and i had to delete everything from my gallery and lets just say that was a nightmare
LOL yes, lines of code
omg i see!! there is definitely a massive progress and she looks super nice, i love it!
damn i started a lot of these with yeses
Deletehi
ReplyDelete